Midlife Euphoria Day 48: When I Met My Phantom Bridge Partner

I am a bridge enthusiast. For those who do not know what bridge is, it is a card game played by four players in two competing partnerships with partners sitting opposite each other around a table.

I learnt the game when I was a teenager from my father who was a keen bridge player. I used to watch him play and was impressed by the discipline and concentration the game entailed. I marvelled at the deliberation with which my father and his friends played and the animated conversation that followed. Sometimes, they would discuss a particular hand days after the game. How can a card game be so riveting that one can remember each detail with such clarity days later? I was intrigued to say the least. I asked my father if he would teach me this fascinating game. I needed four players in-house, and fortunately my two brothers agreed to pitch in.

The following Sunday, my father called us all and asked us to bring along a paper and a pencil. We sat around his square bridge table with two brand new packs of playing cards. The initiation started by learning a bridge convention called phony clubs, or strong clubs intermediate diamonds. It sounded impressive. He then rattled off numerous rules that follow the convention and we took notes copiously. It all seemed a bit overwhelming but exciting. After that, he emphasized bridge etiquette. While dealing, you had to extend your left hand to the opponent for him to cut the pack and then you dealt the cards clockwise. The “dummy” (one player in every game who puts his cards on the table for the partner to play) could not speak while the game was on. You could not advise or discuss with your partner while the game was on. There were lots of dos and don’ts which we had to keep in mind besides playing the dealt cards. We then played a couple of hands with all our cards facing up and made the bids, consulting my father and the notes we had taken painstakingly.

The session ended after an hour, and I was on cloud nine. The next class was scheduled for the coming Sunday with the promise that we learn the rules. My elder brother made a face…. more homework! I was like a woman possessed. I wanted to mug up every golden word from my notes to perfection. My two brothers did not seem that enthusiastic. However, they also brushed up enough to play the next Sunday.

Come the time for the next game, I was nervous but extremely excited. My brothers were also there, ready to participate quite eagerly. The game started on a very calm note. My father was quite pleased with the “homework” we had put in. We were allowed to consult our notes every now and then. Things were moving smoothly. Abruptly, I heard my father declare that the session was over. I looked bewildered! My father, in no uncertain words, said he had to terminate the session as we were not following the decorum seriously. We were constantly stretching out our wrong hand to the opponent to cut the cards. It seemed like a “no offence”. But there was no arguing with my father, and we had to disperse prematurely. A very disappointing end to a wonderful session that had begun so slickly.

Once on our own, my brother declared my father a dictator. Why should protocols be so important? After all, it is just a friendly game amongst family members. I agreed with him and felt my father was a bit harsh in this matter but was not going to jeopardize further lessons. I sided with him to their great displeasure. I was labelled a “chamchi” or someone who has excessive willingness to please the boss. I took the slur in my stride to continue with my unabashed fascination for the game.

After this, my brothers were not as regular as I was. I had to rope in my mother to fill in for them. Eventually, I absorbed the game enough to play independently, though bridge is a game where learning never really ends, and practice makes one as perfect as can be.

I have been playing ever since, sometimes more frequently than others. When the kids were young, it was less as one likes to play when there is absolute peace to concentrate. I thank my father every day for this wonderful gift that he passed on to me. Once the kids flew out of the nest, I was able to play more regularly.

However, the game has evolved over time. There are more conventions that people play. There is American Standard, Precision, Bergen, cue bid, Goren, Acol and several others. Having said that, if you know the basics, it is not overly complicated to play the others.

I want to emphasize that reaching midlife gave me more opportunity to play this wonderful game serenely. My husband also became my partner in crime. We enjoyed several sessions with friends playing, progressing and discussing the game. All was well till Covid enveloped the entire world in its grip. The clubs closed, outings stopped and so did bridge. It was the darkest period for bridge buffs.

But there is a positive aspect to every dark shadow. Online bridge became a rage overnight. One was a bit wary playing with a virtual partner but after a while, one took to it. We became members of a group in which you could play for the entire day at your convenience. My husband did not take to this electronic virtual game. I had to seek a partner. We would keep switching partners, playing with strangers. If one found someone compatible, one liked to play with him/her more often. Most of us had peculiar IDs like Cucoocap, Xtrasmart, Staplers, Taxman, Apollo and so on.

I found golfer50 very compatible. We played together a lot. Initially, we would bicker about certain bids (there is a column where you can communicate with players virtually), keeping the propriety of the game intact. Soon, we were seeking each other to play tournaments virtually jointly. After about two years, we exchanged phone numbers. The first time I called, I was surprised to hear a female voice on the other end. All this while, I was under the impression that my friend golfer50 was a man. After recovering from the first blow, we chatted amicably and decided to play at a fixed time.

It was a wonderful rapport. We talked only about the game. The conversations on WhatsApp were short and to the point, making our understanding of the game more proficient. It was like having a pen friend from the yesteryears. Whenever one received a letter from a pen friend overseas or a far-off city, it permeated an adrenal rush. It opened a gate to a new wonder world for us. Travelling overseas or otherwise was uncommon. The exchange of information was also exciting because of the time lag in between.

Time elapsed. It had been four years that Suman, my phantom partner (golfer50), and I have been playing together without ever setting eyes on each other. We live in twin towns and over the years, I met a few people who knew her. She had also met a few who knew me. Finally, this year we decided to register for a bridge tournament which had to be played in person. I was excited – not so much for the tournament – more because I was finally going to meet my ghost partner. Can you believe it that at the nth hour we had to withdraw from the tournament because Suman was indisposed? I was devastated to say the least. We were not destined to meet.

Fate gave us another chance when Suman invited me to play a tournament in person. I kept my fingers crossed. When I entered the tournament arena, I heard Suman. I could recognize her voice and could have walked up to her with my eyes closed – but with my eyes wide open I could not make her out. It was a spooky experience. Finally, we met, and it was simply exhilarating. I knew immediately that she was the one I was expecting to meet and much more. We got on like a house on fire. I cherish her friendship and the camaraderie we share.

Talking to a healthy 80-year-old once, I was amazed to learn that he is an ardent bridge player and a golfer. He started pursuing these passions in his midlife – the golden period of our life when you are free from household affairs. The children are grown up and the household runs on smooth wheels. You can nurture your ardours to the fullest. You have the time, patience, and most of all, the penchant. Life is like a dream. The combination of golf and bridge is deadly. One keeps you physically fit and the other provides mental stimulation. The beauty is that you can conduct both these fabulous activities all your life competing at your own pace. True midlife euphoria!

Midlife Euphoria Day 47: Key to Fitness

As we approach midlife, fitness becomes a requirement. I remember saying very jovially that with every child I bore, I put on 5 kilograms. So, I had two girls – that is 10 kgs. I became comfortable with the weight and then when I put on another 5, my rationality went out of the window. Starting with a weight of 50 kgs, I was obese. I brushed it off flippantly, saying the extra 5 kgs is for my adorable pet who is like my baby. But it was a somber situation. Was I going to blame my dog’s litter for my superfluous weight next?

Time to deliberate! My husband and I had a serious discussion and decided to take the situation in hand. Both of us like to walk but we realized just walking is not the solution. Walking with a purpose that is brisk and long may be the answer. We did that but it gets a bit tiresome and is subject to weather discrepancies. Cold mornings, hot days, rainy days, late nights become an excuse to bunk. Also, reading voraciously about the subject we recognized that fitness means weight training for our osteoporosis-prone bones, working out in a different way every day to ensure that every muscle and tissue is drilled is the key.

Health and weight loss is a common grief amongst our age group, so we gathered a lot more knowledge about the issue in the course of social gatherings. Amazingly while discussing these issues, we paid no heed to our indulgence in culinary delights, but focused mainly on disciplining our expanded body. One thing that appealed to me immediately was a detoxing week in one of the exotic locales in Kerala. Somatheeram is a beautiful resort and Ayurvedic Hospital situated on the banks of the Indian Ocean. On enquiry it sounded like the perfect solution to all our problems. Though frightfully expensive, we decided to go for it as it is time for us to invest in health and only health. After all, ‘health is wealth’.

Somatheeram was well worth the money we spent. Located about 45 minutes’ drive from Trivandrum airport, it is a charming little resort nestled amongst coconut trees. Winding paths along the slope of the hill, peppered with medicinal trees, cobbled pathways and antique artefacts in every corner is a treat to the eyes. The twenty-three acres of tropical landscape is scantily dotted with ancient Kerala-style cottages. The use of local materials such as stone, wood and clay is imperative to the structure. These are harmonious with nature, and the surroundings seem like a healing heaven.

One is treated as a patient in this Ayurvedic Hospital. They first take your health history, likes/dislikes and routine – in short, an account of your lifestyle and then slot you as a particular type. They tell you what you should eat/avoid depending on your body type. There are various massages to rejuvenate, cleanse and detox your system. A two-hour massage followed by yoga and meditation during the day keeps you fully occupied. The food is vegetarian and wholistic without being heavy. A great experience to start the fitness regime. We felt good and did lose a couple of kilos but to sustain our endeavour we needed something back home. Fired by the experience, we decided to join a health club with yoga thrown in on alternate days.

This process kept us occupied for a couple of days. Signing up was followed by a frantic shopping spree. We needed the right/chic clothing and appropriate footwear. After all, we had decided to invest exclusively on health. I was quite upbeat thinking of the quote, “Your body will be around a lot longer than that expensive mobile. Invest in yourself.”

Now we walk, lift weights, operate numerous gadgets to train every muscle – from calves to hamstrings, quadriceps, glutes, biceps, triceps, forearms, trapezius and abs. I did not even know we have so many neglected parts in our body. Luckily, there are trainers to aid you; otherwise, it can be very intimidating.

Joining the gym was one of the best things to happen to us. It put us on a routine. We get up in the morning with a purpose, get ready – which is better than lounging around in your night clothes till midday – look forward to meeting strange people who almost feel like friends. Best of all, exercise changes not only your body, it changes your mind, attitude and mood. Ever since I have started doing yoga, I feel more energetic. I am up and about much more, game for an impromptu get-together with friends, read more, involve myself in the kitchen by trying new (healthy) recipes. The day we miss out, we feel not only sluggish but also guilty.

While at it, I started intermittent fasting recently, a concept I always scorned at as being almost punitive. Surprisingly since I am following it, it doesn’t seem so formidable. The eight-hour eating window is sufficient to keep us well satiated where food is concerned. The best part is that you can eat whatever you want without any restrictions. So, in effect you aren’t really missing anything. Since you want to eat the right kind of food in this window, the desire to eat unnecessary things automatically becomes minimal. Choosing green vegetables and whole fruit over bacon and ham was an easy choice. The first things I dropped from my list were sweet items. These changes are supposed to bring dramatic results to our health, which still remains to be seen. However, we are enjoying the journey feeling very upbeat. Sleep is far more regulated and energy levels are a lot higher. In short, feeling on top of the world.

According to the GreenField Health & Rehabilitation Center, five major benefits of exercise, especially for midlife, is:

1) Prevent disease. Exercise improves overall immune function, especially for seniors as their immune systems are often compromised.

2) Improved mental health. Exercise produces endorphins (the feel good hormone) which acts as a stress reliever and leaves you happy and satisfied. Also it enhances your sleep experience which is very important for mental wellbeing.

3) Decreased risks of falls. Exercise improves strength and flexibility, which helps improve balance and coordination, reducing the risk of falls. Seniors take much longer to recover from falls, so anything that helps avoid them in the first place is critical.

4) Social engagement. Maintaining strong social ties is important for ageing adults to feel a sense of purpose and avoid feelings of loneliness or depression.

5) Improved cognitive function. Regular physical activity and fine-tuned motor skills benefit cognitive function. Countless studies suggest a lower risk of dementia for physically active individuals, regardless of when you begin a routine.

I hope this will motivate all those who read this to incorporate exercise into their lives. Exercise should be regarded as a tribute to your soul. “He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything.”

Midlife Euphoria Day 46: Bringing in Your 70th

Celebrating the septuagenarian birthday is becoming a ’la mode. With every decade lived come countless cherished memories and accomplishments. For that reason, the 70th birthday is a special time that should be celebrated by family and friends. Typically, midlife is between 40-60 years; however, seeing the zest for life of 70+ and older people, the scale has moved up. Also, life expectancy has improved as a result of numerous medical and healthcare advancements. India’s life expectancy in 1950 was 35.21 and was 70.19 in the year 2022. It would be logical to include 70-year-olds in the midlife category.

In the last five years, we have participated in several 70th birthday celebrations in exotic locales, attended by 60–80-year-olds. Looking at their continual appetite for entertainment and excitement, the protagonists could easily pass off as a 50+ year old adults. The coveted venues in India are Goa, exclusive forts in Rajasthan, some exclusive hotel properties in Agra, Udaipur, Jaipur and Jaisalmer. Some prefer wildlife sanctuaries and some out of the way places which offer great experiences. Cruises and Thailand are some more exhilarating ways to bring in the septuagenarian celebration.

One common thread that ran through all the soirees was the “I don’t care” outlook. It made you take a chill pill, and just go with the flow. In one such do, you were expected to sport your classy swimwear to check in at the hotel. Who cares about your uncomplimentary midlife bulges? Believe it or not, nobody but you, yourself! In another one, we had to wear our LBD (little black dress) to honour the function. Who cares about varicose veins, bowlegs, fat thighs or skinny legs? It was giggles and laughs all the way. Another interesting theme was the look of Bollywood’s yesteryears’ dancing queen …. “the Helen look”. Though we were a wee bit perplexed at the invite, it was a great hit. People think out of the box. Ladies wore feathers, caps, made long slits in their dresses, wore dazzling makeup. Guys automatically adorned the villainous/lovesick/funambulist look with pointed mustaches, cowboy caps and cigar in the works. Love the spirit of the neo-70+ midlifers!

Now it was time to bring in my dear husband, Sanjay’s, 70th birthday. I had to plan. The month is December. It’s cold, so no sexy beach wear, no LBDs with long slits! My ingenuity was confronted. First the venue had to be established. Intimidating! We narrowed down to a far-flung remote hunting lodge at the foothills of the Himalayas. A very charming venue, no doubt, but a bit daunting to arrive at. A 7–8-hour long road journey from Delhi/Jaipur or a flight with a 2-hour road run. Well, we knew our dear fun-loving friends (most of them septuagenarians too) would pull through to be with us on this significant celebration. And sure enough, they were jubilant and all set to embark on the adventure with us.

We were a little apprehensive as this was almost the first big event we were undertaking post Covid. Since the place is out of the way, access to sound medical care is limited. All our guests, including ourselves, were post the conventional midlife age. Regardless of these worrying glitches, our guests were gung-ho. No one blinked an eyelid before giving the go-ahead. Some have persistent heart ailments, BP, diabetics, arthritis, knee issues and other conditions that are a part and parcel of people on the wrong side of the 60s and 70s. But their indomitable spirit is commendable.

With the invites and guest list in place, we had to come up with an interesting theme to get the mood rolling. Keeping the weather conditions in mind, we named one of the evenings ‘The Mad Hatter Party’ and one ‘The Black and Red Dinner’. Everything moved according to plan. Our guests arrived, and we ended up having the most enjoyable three nights.


The Mad Hatter Party was a great hit. We had a bonfire, and everyone was warmly clad, but the headgears were the icing on the cake. Despite the distance/flights, everyone made a special effort to think out of the box and come up with very creative headgear. I admire their exuberant disposition.




Nonetheless, The Red and Black Evening went off seamlessly with everyone participating wholeheartedly. This was simple, as combining black and red is not rocket science. However, each had taken pains to find/buy appropriate clothes to battle the cold.






Our granddaughter, who was just four and a half years old, was also part of the get-together along with our daughter and son in law. They were obviously the youngest in the group. We were so worried about the little one, and were carrying a mini dispensary with us in case she catches a cold, tummy upset, nausea, fall or any other kind of eventuality. I realized that at our glorious post midlife age, we are solely responsible for ourselves and feel we can handle it. But younger ones must worry about their little ones and their unexpected predicaments. What a blessing to be free from these shackles!

We danced outdoors till the wee hours of the morning in temperatures of 2 degrees centigrade, ate food late and had a couple of extra drinks. This was the first evening. We had two more nights to go! The next morning, everyone was bright eyed and up for breakfast as per the schedule. We had a safari organized and a jungle walk. Everyone was up for all the fun. The next night also saw the same vivacity as the previous one. As you would have thought, everyone remained fit as a fiddle. My take from this experience is that getting away from your vigilant routine life and taking some liberties is a tonic for your system.

We all have some food restrictions enforced medically or in most cases, self-imposed – not eating fried/junk food, limiting cereals, not pampering one’s palette with sweets, etc. My contention is that pampering your insides once in a way by munching through prohibited fare is like giving your system a hearty and happy workout. The famous saying ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’ is pertinent for our digestive, cognitive, respiratory, muscular, sensory and cardio system. We need to shake it up sometimes and let it bend backwards to accommodate the diversion. That way it will remain on its toes to deal with the commotion if/when it occurs. Also dancing without a care, even with your pains and aches makes you forget them. The next day, you marvel at your own power. Undertaking such a lifestyle everyday may be detrimental to our health, but a transgression from the normal should always be welcomed with open arms.

My advice to all midlifers is to grab all opportunities to be with your loved ones, celebrate each day and enjoy every moment. Our clock is ticking. No point in brooding and stressing over what was. Let caution be thrown out of the window once in a way. Live in the present and participate in delightful experiences. These beautiful moments become memories which can put a smile on your face in times which may not be as agreeable. After all, someone rightly said that old age is a privilege not everyone gets to experience. I was once asked how I felt as I was getting old. I’d like to answer that with a forward I received from a dear friend:

Good friends and family are like quilts – they age with you, yet never lose their warmth. We have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon: before they understood the great freedom that comes with ageing.

Whose business is it, if I choose to read or play on the computer until $ AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s and if, I at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach, in a swimsuit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And eventually, I remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think…I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel it).

May our relationship never come apart, especially when it’s straight from the heart.

Midlife Euphoria Day 45

 Fostering Creativity and Imagination in Preschool Age Children

Published in Suburb Magazine

Creativity is essentially a form of problem-solving. But it is a special type of problem-solving—one that involves problems for which there are no easy answers; that is, problems for which popular or conventional answers don’t work. Creativity involves adaptability and flexibility of thought.

With young children, the focus should be on the process—the generation of ideas. Adult acceptance of multiple ideas in a non-evaluative atmosphere will help children generate more ideas or move to the next stage of self-evaluation. Most measures of children’s creativity have focused on ideational fluency. Ideational fluency tasks require children to generate as many responses as they can to a particular stimulus, as is done in brainstorming. This is considered to be a critical feature of the creative process. Children’s responses may be either popular or original and the latter is considered evidence of creative potential. Therefore, asking four-year-old children to name all the things they can that are red, we find that they not only list cars, apples, and strawberries, but also cold hands.

We know that creativity is not dependent on traditional intelligence. Just as children are not equally intelligent, all children are not equally creative. But as all children exhibit behaviors that evidence intelligence from birth, they also exhibit behaviors that evidence creativity.

Some characteristics of creative behaviors as listed by Marie Dingfield, are the following:

1. Wants to make discoveries on his/her own, learn by experimentation, and is independent.

2. Unusual curiosity, sense of excitement and wonder about the world.

3. Looks at things in unusual ways, more in-depth.

4. Is talented in many different ways.

5. Has a reputation for wild ideas.

6. Is a risk-taker.

7. Has a good sense of humor; may be a little offbeat.

8. Challenges authority often.

9. Has an ability to explore new solutions and alternatives.

10. May have intuitive solutions to problems.

11. Has an active imagination.

12. May have many ideas.

13. Often has a positive reaction to change, able to be flexible in emergencies.

14. Tends to come from families who allow freedom in decision-making and exploring the environment; stress openness and express enthusiasm for life; tend to be less authoritarian and foster spontaneity, individuality, and independence; read to their children, visit the library, and tell stories; and themselves are creative and comfortable with change.

John Gottman uses process in his emotional intelligence work. When a child is feeling upset, anxious, or embarrassed, after the consoling period of time where a parent is asked to just sit with the child for talking about the feeling, he asks parents to move to the problem-solving part where the child is asked to think of ways the problem can be solved. No answer is wrong, and the child is encouraged to think about what would happen with each of his/her ideas.

Adult acceptance of multiple ideas in a non-evaluative atmosphere will help children generate more ideas or move to the next stage of self-evaluation (“What do you think will work here?”). The critical factor in encouraging creativity is a non-evaluative atmosphere.

We offer some ideas for ways in which adults can encourage creativity in their children:

1. Provide an environment that allows the child to explore and play without undue constraints.

2. Adapt to children’s ideas rather than trying to structure your child’s ideas to fit yours.

3. Accept unusual ideas from children by suspending judgment of answers you are expecting. Give emotional support for original ideas.

4. Use creative problem-solving in all areas of your child’s life. Use the problems that naturally occur in everyday life.

5. Allow time for your child to explore all possibilities, moving from popular to more original ideas (“What else might it be?”).

6. Emphasize process rather than product.

7. Give children confidence to take risks, challenge assumptions, and see things in a new way.

8. Give toys and gifts that stimulate creativity.

9. Support your child’s curiosity and encourage questions.

10. Encourage and model risk-taking.

11. Provide a stimulating, responsive, and enriched climate with a wide variety of books, materials, and a corner of their own.

12. Allow for normal developmental growth patterns, such as regression to an earlier level.

13. Remember to leave “breathing space” or “dream time” for ideas to incubate.

14. Leave some time for your creative activities as well.

15. Let your child share your interests and discuss them together.

16. Encourage self-resourcefulness and responsibility.

17. Encourage the idea that “we learn from our mistakes,” not from our successes.

18. As your child grows older, include him/her in decision-making. Set as few limits as possible, but be firm on the ones you set.

19. Encourage your child’s imagination through the use of fantasy, imagery, role-play, etc.

20. Turn off the television!

Further, you could routinely practice some creative activities with your children. Some of these include:

1. Drawing a crazy picture.

2. Writing a nutty poem.

3. Singing a mumble-jumble song.

4. Whistling through your comb.

5. Doing a loony dance.

Question:

My five year old is not interested in writing the alphabets but loves to scribble on the paper and entitles these squiggles aero plane, train, car etc. Objectively these figures are way beyond any of these actual objects. How should I get him interested in drawing or writing real stuff?

Answer:

A child once pointed at a drawing of a garden and told me that his dog was in it. On not being able to see one, I asked him where it was. He replied innocently that it had just gone out of the garden into the house.

Children are very egocentric in their perception.  Whatever they imagine they think the others can comprehend it. It is inconceivable for them how anyone cannot fathom their logic. But this abstract reason demonstrates complex reflection on his part. Instead of mocking his efforts you should be asking him candid questions about his sketches and get an insight into the working of his mind. You will be amazed at his unexpected answers.

A vivid imagination is essential for creative thinking which in turn an important element of intelligence is. Do not restrict his drawings by asking him to copy stereotyped illustrations of a house, clouds, mountains, sun, moon or the stars. 

 This is the time for him to develop fine motor coordination, learn to grasp the pencil and write steadfastly. He must enjoy the activity of writing to become competent and drawing is an excellent way to encourage him to do so.

After this, learning the alphabet will be a cake walk. He will also acquire the gift to communicate through other mediums like art.

Midlife Euphoria Day 44

Help Unleash Their Imagination

Published in the May 2015 issue of Suburb Magazine

Imaginative play begins to develop between the age of three and four. Parents should actively encourage the development of imagination skills. This is important to make sure that a child’s imagination is not discouraged.

Imagination is like a muscle that needs to be used. Just as a weightlifter needs to exercise his/her muscles in order to strengthen them, children need to actively use their imagination skills in order for them to develop. The simplest way to do this is by including your children in daily activities. Letting your children help you cook dinner, clean the house, fold clothes, etc. are some of the best ways to expand their understanding of the world and to explore their imagination.

Television and computer games are inappropriate activities for young children because a child sits passively and does not need to “act” in order for action to occur. Imagination is developed in young children through action. When children need to do something in order to achieve results, they need to think more clearly about what they choose to do and what results they will get based on the decisions they make.

Encouraging a child’s imagination does not mean letting children be by themselves. Instead, a parent can help encourage a child’s imagination by working alongside him/her. If your child sits down to draw a picture, sit down next to him/her and draw your own picture. Don’t make specific demands for how each activity must turn out. Instead, let your child lead you and “do as they do.”

Stages of play in child development:

Researcher Mildred Parten first categorized the stages of children’s play—a standard means of describing a child’s developmental progress in social play. Children given the opportunity to interact with other children advance naturally from one stage to the next. Identifying a child’s stage of play allows parents to support the child’s growth and progression into the next stage.

1. Onlooker behaviour: In the earliest stage, babies watch other children play but don’t join in play. Instead the child follows adults, talks to other children or simply sits and listens.

2. Solitary play: Older infants and toddlers play with toys alone with some degree of focus. The child pays little attention to the play of other children although he may occasionally interact by taking a toy.

3. Parallel play: Toddlers and two-year-olds often play independently but side by side. Children may talk aloud to each other though not about the same topic.

4. Associative play: During the early preschool years, children interact frequently. They share materials but create individual products and narrate different stories about their artwork.

5. Cooperative play: Older pre-schoolers engage in play that involves a high degree of complexity. Children share materials, work together to create a theme and storyline for the play, adopt roles to carry out the play and assign roles to others.

Social and Fantasy Play materials:

Mirrors

Dolls

Role relevant props: cash registers, doctor material, office material

Housekeeping equipment (stove, fridge, iron, phone, pots, pans)

Doll equipment: Bed, high chair, stroller

Puppets

Stuffed toys

Play scenes: Small people/animal figures

Transportation toys: Cars, trucks, trains

Exploration and Mastery Play Materials

Sand/water materials

Construction material: Bricks, nuts and bolts

Puzzles colour, size, stringing

Pattern making materials: shapes/ colour/size/ stringing

Books

Music, Art and Movement Play Material  

Crayons, paint brushes, nontoxic paint and finger-paint.

Musical instruments: xylophones, Bells, rattles, blowing instruments, Recorded musc, short high quality films/videos that show animals in their natural environment.

Gross Motor Play Materials

Balls and sports equipment: Balls of various sizes, flying discs

Ride on Equipment: Tricycles

Outdoor and gym equipment: swings, slides, ropes, hanging bars

These can be introduced at age 2 and the complexity of the play materials can increase as the child grows.

Question:

My 3 year old son likes to play with dolls and other girly toys as my 6 year daughter plays with them. He has many cars and boy toys but he prefers my daughter’s play material? I am worried. What should I do?

Answer:

The older siblings tend to become role models for the younger ones. There is no harm in boys playing with dolls. It is part of imaginative play where they learn to role play. Once he goes to school   he will be exposed to various other pursuits and have friends who will be indulging in varied activities. Peer models and preferences become more important then and as  children grow they start identifying with their own sex stereotypes.

Midlife Euphoria Day 43

 Nurturing Self-Esteem

Published in Suburb Magazine

“If I had my child to raise over again,

 I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.

 I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.

 I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

 

I would care to know less, and know to care more.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.

 

 I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.

 I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

 I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

 I'd teach less about the love of power,

 And more about the power of love.”

-- Diana Loomans

Self-esteem is feeling good about oneself. Good self-esteem helps children try new things, take healthy risks, and solve problems. It gives them a solid foundation for their learning and development. For children, self-esteem comes from knowing that they are loved and that they belong to a family that values them. It also comes from being praised and encouraged for the things that are important to them, and from feeling confident about the future.

Children with high self-esteem:

• Have a positive image of themselves
• Are confident
• Can make friends easily and are not anxious with new people
• Can play in groups or on their own
• Will try and solve problems on their own, but if not able to will ask for help
• Can be proud of their achievements
• Can admit mistakes and learn from them
• Will try new things and adapt to change.

We offer some tips on how parents can nurture self-esteem in their children:

1. Spend time together: Give your child some focused love and attention every day. Take them to a special place, put the spotlight on them for special occasions and normal everyday fun.

2. Develop common interests: Find something that your child values and explore it in-depth together. Many interests pass quickly but your child will remember your partnership regardless of the topic.

3. Talk together: Tell them about your childhood, tell them about your grandparents. Tell them about your job – tell them about real things, not imaginary stories. Learn to listen to them, so that they feel reassured.

4. Make physical contact: Nothing registers as deeply as a simple, appropriate hug, cuddle, or pat on the back. There is no greater reassurance of their lovability than being touched and held.

5. Tell your child often that you love them: Children do not automatically feel loved. Research has shown that affirming messages have measurable calming and nurturing effects. Develop terms of endearment. Have fun and develop your own “love codes.”

6. Treat your child as if they are the most important person in the world: Children need not just love, but also respect and understanding. You must build bridges, and not walls. Even though you may not like to respect what they choose to do, your love must always be given unconditionally.

7. Create lasting memories: As children grow and develop, they have a basic need to belong. Take out the time to establish happy childhood memories in your child’s life.

8. Celebrate uniqueness: Children thrive when the important people in their lives recognize how special they are. Create posters, scrapbooks, photo frames, and journals about them to help them grasp your appreciation of them.

9. Don’t compare your child with others: Whenever there is a situation in which comparisons are made by others, reassure your child that they are special and unique in their own way.

10. Be proud of your child: Talk positively about your child in the presence of important people in his or her life, such as grandparents, teachers, friends, etc.

Studies show that during sleep, the subconscious reviews what has been recorded all day between three and five times. But it replays what has been recorded in the last 30 minutes before we go to sleep at least 10 times. Tuck your child in with those messages of love every night! 

Question

My three year old is a very fearful child. While other children of his age swing on monkey bars, glide down high slides and try out new rides in a park my little “darpok” kid goes only on a swing and moves away from anyplace where there is a crowd of kids. What should I do to make him daring?

Answer

There are many children like yours who have a heightened sense of self preservation. These children are actually more intelligent and weigh each situation with caution before embarking on it. By default they are less likely to get hurt while playing outdoor games. You should be grateful for that.

Leave your kid alone. Don’t push him to do things he is not ready to handle yet. Sometimes your insistence can put him off some activity totally. Give him time. Assist him to carry out new activities, ensuring that he does not fall. This will boost his courage. Leave him alone. You will notice he is trying out the activity gingerly and when he feels confident enough, he will surprise you.

My daughter was exactly like this and never took chances with anything that seemed remotely reckless. In fact at age three her heroic leap was a jump from the carpet to the floor. I wondered if she would ever enjoy any adventuresome activities later in life. But she grew up to go for difficult cycle and mountain treks just like her peers.

Most children till age three do not really play with other children. They may all be in the playground at the same time but are carrying out individual play. Do not concern yourself that he is not part of a group activity. Normally it is only after at 3+ that children actually start playing with each other with some bit of interaction. 

None of these activities have a definite milestone. It can be a few months here and there depending upon each child.

Instead of labelling him a “darpok” or a coward you should either ignore him or after a few attempts move on to something he enjoys doing.

Finally be happy that your cautious little one is not getting into unwarranted trouble.